“Who I am hates Who I’ve Been”

It wasn’t too long ago I self imposed a hiatus- from internet, twitter, phone, and drama. How refreshing it was to get alone with myself. The past few months I’ve focused on taking my hiatus a few steps further, I really utilized imposed changes in my life and the New Year to take an inventory of me. It’s amazing what a good hard look at events of the past can do. I’ve realized some things I thought were important, just aren’t that important anymore. I realized for a long time, I didn’t want people to know where I was for fear that they’d see me, they’d see my heart, and not understand. I was closed and guarded. Frustrated and disappointed. Somewhere along the way my focus in life became entirely wrong- I’d gotten lost.

At first, I was incredibly unsure of how to find my way again but with slow, steady determination I started searching. It’s been uncomfortable and emotional at times. I’ve struggled with decisions. I’ve wrestled with doubt, fear, loneliness, conviction, the idea of forgiveness and patience. But, I’m finally finding my way. I know Someone who is faithful, loving, forgiving, ever present, and patient beyond my imagination. And, every day I choose to rest in that knowledge. I choose to trust.

It has taken me a long time to get here- and there are some days I find myself confused and dismayed. But, I keep searching. And, as I keep searching the answers and the right people are faithful to appear.



Note: Title of the blog is the title of a song written/recorded by Reliant K. This title is not an accurate depiction of my thoughts and/or feelings. Merely used for imagery.