Time Enough for Reality

It's Saturday night and here I sit on the patio of Starbucks with an opportunity to update- FINALLY!

I don't really know about anyone else but this week (and last and probably the one before that) has been a beating of mass proportions. I'm not even sure where to start to try to explain the fury that unleashed the past couple of weeks. I keep looking around hoping there's a full moon to explain some of the crazy that's been going on- but it's a pretty dark night and there isn't a moon anywhere in my sight. It's actually pretty quiet, there's a cool breeze and the smell of rain still lingers in the air- my perfect kind of night. It's soothing to my weary soul.

My first Ph.D. class if officially over. WHEW! Technically it was over on Tuesday but I had a few lingering assignments that I just submitted via email- so I can now realy claim one down, (what will feel like) eternity to go. I was really surprised to hear I'd be doing group projects at the Ph.D. level- I guess I shouldn't have been considering that it's an incredibly accelerated program- but, I was. I also thought that a Master's degree would have weeded out the people who weren't capapble of accepting responsibility and pulling their own weight- I was wrong about that too. I don't like being wrong that much...seriously. I'm coming to the realization that this Ph.D will probably be the hardest thing I'll ever try to do in my lifetime. But, the other side of that, I'm sure it will be one of the most rewarding accomplishments I'll experience in my lifetime. I'm finally adjusting to sleepless nights, a shortened work schedule yet still maintaining the demands and meeting the expectations my previous work scheduled afforded, and the lonliness of always doing homework and having little time to socialize with family and friends.

I'm not as easily adjusting to my new role at work. Back in August management dished out promotions, 4 people applied and 4 got promotoed. You go into those kind of situations knowing and accepting there will be winners and losers- you never really expect there will be only winners. It kind of makes it feel not like winning at all, ya know? That situation was frustrating for many reasons- most of which I won't go into here. With this promotion I accepted official supervisory duties and a whole slew of other responsibilities- most of which I'm really excited about. That's always been my approach to work...get involved in as much as you can, learn as much as you can, and really make yourself an asset to the company. I question whether some of my coworkers maintain the same kind of approach. From the outside in it appears they want to do the bare minimum and be rewarded as if they did something super extraordinary. Now I know I'm an overachiever and I can't hold everyone to the same standard I hold myself to but I have some very basic standards I think are reasonable for most to achieve.
1) accept responsibility
2) come to work to work, not gossip or make excuses
3) do your work to the best of your ability (whatever level of ability that is)
4) be respectful

I don't think any of these things are monumental task but I'll tell you I'm realizing accomplishing those 4 things are like climbing Mount Everest for some. The past week or so there have been a few times that I've been at a complete loss- and as I sit here trying to unwind from the week I still find myself revisiting the same place of uncertainty. Uneager to move forward- hesitant to make any drastic changes- unwilling to stay in the exact position I'm in.